he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize