I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
