Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
