So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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