when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want to make out with him forever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
