saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
