I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
