My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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