people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
