ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
