then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
