it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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