Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
