You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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