feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
