i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
