Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
