The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize