i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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