so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
