We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
