Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
