I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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