Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
