Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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