have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
