She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
