official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
