i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
