the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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