mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
