There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There r osticjed everywhere
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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