it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I didn't notice because vodka
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
