I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
