How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think your dad took our porno
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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