you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
