After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
