i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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