I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
