i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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