it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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