How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
