Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
