someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
