he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can't special order awesome
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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