I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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