Your dad touched me again.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
