Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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