explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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