You're so nebulous sometimes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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