I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
