I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
