why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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