You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
not ubering you a puppy
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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