Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
