sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
