I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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