First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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