Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
