Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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