i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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