using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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